Dr BanaNa's blog

Day 41:Lifted

2006-11-06T21:59:00.000Z

The siege has been lifted! Finally our neighbours have stopped being such jerks and gone home, as long as I promise to drink a little less goat cheese milk. Or at least by a large fan. Never!I thought. But hey, they don't know that.
Though it took long negotiations (mainly because SheepSta kept crying "Long live the Revolution!" over the walls) but finally we came to a agreement. They promised to plant some nice tulips in my garden as long as I lay off the goat cheese milk. StaSheep plans to build a nice labratory over the now burnt shed, and I hope to have some fun bulldosing down the destroyed area of my castle. So all are happy.
Except SheepSta. The stupid thing has been winging that too many lives were lost in 'The Wars'. I explained that the only real life lost was a random pidgeon the neighbours accidently shot that was aimed at me when I was taking one of my daily turret walks. SheepSta just burst into tears and rushed from the room. I plan to bribe it with some jelly beans.
Yours, as always
Dr BanaNa

Day 41: A Hole in the Pudding

2006-11-02T17:01:00.000Z

Alas, my lovley Victoria Sponge trifle thingy! It has been ravished by a spoon and a china bowl. In a final act we decided to grap all our remaning food and cook up my famous Victoria Sponge trifle thingy. We cooked it and sat down for our final meal when I noticed a hole in the middle of my trifle. The sheep and I, therefore, set out on finding the culprit. Of course, this was one of SheepSta's loony ideas. Wouldn't even let me be Poirot. So we searched high and low, far and wide. Well, as high and low and far and wide as the fort is. And yet all we found was a dirty sock and StaSheep's test tube sheep. Eventually we retired to the kitchen where we were horrified to see our cake had been totally eaten. StaSheep then pointed out that one of us must have done it, and that when we split up to look for clues. So here we were, surrounded by a guilty criminal. Of course, the answer was easy to work out. All I did was stick a couple of plastic forks together, call it a lie detector and there you have it. SheepSta confessing to the crime. Sometimes, life is just too easy.
Yours, as always
Dr BanaNa

Day 40:A Magic Wardrobe

2006-10-29T21:31:00.000Z

I found a magic wardrobe today. However, unlike the Narnian version, this one did not lead to some lovley winter forest with wonderful pixies skipping about as though high on lemon sherbert and chocolate-covered marshmallows (and, trust someone who has a neurotic sheep, that does make you high). Instead, it lead to a small, dark tunnel which wound its way through the dark dingy bowels of my fort. At last I came to a small hole (blasted through using a clever combination of jelly babies and earwigs) in an old stome wall. Using my Superniftytourchyourchythingy I peered into the gap to find StaSheep and SheepSta stuffing their faces with my goat cheese milk chocolate. As StaSheep tried to explain and SheepSta stuffed itself, I heard a rumbling and saw, to my utter horror, the tunnel collapse. There was a silence, then a freinzied panic, then a silence, then another panic, then a slight worrying session, then a break for tea and biscuits, then a panic. Sadly, my key did not work on the inside and we were trapped. Could this be THE END?
Yours, as always
Dr BanaNa

Day 39:Beach balls, bananas and breakfast

2006-10-26T20:47:00.000Z

The day, though starting off innocently, has lead to the biggest row since StaSheep set fire to my priceless collection of World War Two British and Italian sandwich minatures. At breakfast this morning, dining on bananas in a bowl of chocolate goat cheese milk with a drink of lemonade and goat cheese milk, I discovered a beach ball occupying my space. A face was drawn on in black marker with an amazing false moustace which put my fluff to shame. The true horror was the fact it was in my seat.
In the fort order is essential. Without it, our whole system would break down and result in SheepSta eating my underware. One of the main catagories of this being seating at meals. I ALWAYS, but always, sit in the chair with the Moose Pillow. As a rule, this cannot be denied. SheepSta, however, often ignores these rules, but never the chair one. I was about to brush the intruder away when the sheep's paw came crashing down. With an evil glare, I was forced to sit on a different chair. StaSheep entered, and saw the beach ball. Advancing forth with nought but a bacon roll, it popped the ball and sent shards of wet rubber across the table. SheepSta burst into tears and claimed 'Charles' was its only friend. So there was a major argument and my bananas went cold. I will try to coax the sheep out of its room with a new kniting set.
Yours, as always
Dr BanaNa

Day 38: There's no such thing as veggie meat

2006-10-23T17:50:00.000Z

Intresting debate tonight. The sheep and I debated over the existance of vegitarian meat. StaSheep said that it is designed to be flavoured like meat, and is thereofore a breed of meat. I said that meat comes from an amimal whilst vergitarian copies do not and to that extent are not meat. SheepSta said pixies must be purple or the movies would be lying. We locked SheepSta in the coal shed.
However, are argument did not cease with the absence of the dumb beast, but mearly escalated with SheepSta cracking a chair over my head, proclaming the Isle of Man should be a country, and flounced out the room with my underware draped over his nose and a pair of trousers on each arm. After about fivce minutes I regained conciousness to find my feet stuck to the celing and a note from SheepSta saying there was a spillage of glue on the roof I stepped in and I was NOT stuck there on purpose. No more allowance, SheepSta. You hear me? NO MORE ALLOWANCE!!!
Yours, as always
Dr BanaNa

Day 37: Fighting beetroot

2006-10-22T19:14:00.000Z

Alas, my scientific experiments have become my destruction. As I sit beneath the couch, listening to my creation destory my ferns in their 19th century pink pots from the reaches of Western Mongolia created by Kim Lung Moggie XI, I contemplate the meaning of goat cheese milk and how, over the years, we have had so much. But I should explain myself.
This morning the sheep and I sat at the table dining on egg marinaded in goat cheese milk when StaSheep complained that we were low on the milk. I, in absoulte horror, checked this fact and discovered he was telling the truth. I slumped miserably in my chair and gazed in sadness at the roof, saying that I would be forced to commit suicide. SheepSta, in a moment of strange intelligence, said that if I could create a super soldier I could destroy the neighbours and get some more milk. I asked the creature where it got this revalation. It said its comic.
Rushing to the compost bin, I removed some disgusting beetroot remains and began my work. It took batteries, it took staples, it took lemonade. But at last, the Beetroot Beaters were done. But, o horror!, they became like Frankenstien's monster and concuted a horrific revenge. Now the neighbours are watching my beloved sheep fight the creatures on the roof while I am trapped in the study. I will try to fight my way out using a Kermit the Frog puppet. Wish me luck!
Yours, as always
Dr BanaNa

Day 36: Happy chain mail day!

2006-10-17T19:40:00.000Z

It's chain mail day! That is right, ladies and gentlemen, today is the best day of the year to make chain mail! StaSheep and I have been making whole sheets of chain mail and sending them over the internet, through people's doors and into pet's noses so that all know the terror of chain mail day. You may ask HOW we escaped the siege and why StaSheep was still here when I claimed to have fired him. The answer to the latter is simple. ONE, just one person appealed for the poor creatures and my heart melted at this act. For that reason I did not fire the stupid ignorant beasts. The earlier is even simpler, consiting of four letters; FBNS. I cannot at present reveal what this organisation is or does, but soon, my friends. Sooner than you might think....
So, as StaSheep and I created chain mail whilst SheepSta drew odd pictures and shoved as many crayons as possible up its nose, the siege continued and we were left to watch neighbours beating my garden gnomes with a zipper frame. At long last, I finished my goat cheese milk sculpture and climbed into my bed, thinking about life's biggest question, one which had puzzled philosphers and religious leaders for generations;
"What IS goat cheese milk?."
Yours, as always
Dr BanaNa

Day 35: The beggining of the end

2006-10-15T18:04:00.000Z

I have it all worked out. I'm going to prepeare a fancy dinner, maybe some of the steak and I could crack open the carrots, maybe get a little of the port out. Then I'm going to turn on some nice music, get my suit out and light a few candles. I'll, once we've eaten, go down on one knee and take it out of my pocket and say
" We've known each other along time. We've een through it all. And I just want to say...you're fired."
Because not one person has protested on behalf of the sheep, it's decided. I will hand them the contract and show them that it clearly states that excess farting breaks the terms of our agreement. An interesting point is that eating too many cupcakes means that I can beat them with a large bamboo stick smothered in margirine, though sadly I HAVE no bamboo smothered in margirine. Last night we looked through some of our holiday snapshots. Us by the sphinx. StaSheep and me on the Effiel Tower. SheepSta and StaSheep in Italy. SheepSta fighting a crazy ice cream vendor in Peru. Us in hospital after SheepSta was beaten by the ice cream vendor. It brought tears to my eyes, but it must be done, unless SOMEONE intervines.
Yours, as always
Dr BanaNa

Day 34: The world's longest fart

2006-10-13T18:31:00.000Z

I hate my sheep. Really, I have never met anything more vulgar, gross and absoultley vile animals as they. For shere amusement they have been (this is horrid, trust me) trying to break the world's longest fart record, set by Bernard Clemmens in London at a length of 2 minutes and 49 seconds. I hate sheep. You may wonder why I have talked on such a revolting subject. The answer is, faithful reader, I am seriously considering firing my sheepy crew. So far the fort is smelling strongly of baked beans, brussel sprouts and all sorts of other fart creations which are forcing me to wear a gas mask made of straws and paper plates. The fact of the matter is, I have no need for them. I COULD sacrifice them to the angry mob below, or catapult them to Antartica. But the best plan would be to sell them to a traveling Mexican circus and the siege would be over.
On the other hand I would be losing two of my best friends, who have journeyed with me through war abd peace, thick and thin,tears and joy, pregnancies and phone calls about salad but, more importantly, two of the greatest friends a guy could have for a few pennies.
I'll call Pedro tomorow
Yours, as always
Dr BanaNa

Day 33: The Cleaner

2006-10-11T19:32:00.000Z

I have found a crack in my wall. Normally this would not bother me, but as I am in the middle of a siege with very little supplies and there is nothing better to do except give SheepSta's stupid rubber duck back to the annoying beast, and frankly that would not be a wise move. So I enlisted the help of my sheep and set to work. Didn't really work, but SheepSta DID manage to tear a chunk of the wall out with a Barbie Doll from Hell. That duck is going to burn at the stake.
Anna came to clean the house today. I often ask why since I do not have enough money for a cleaner, and she says she isn't a cleaner, she just likes talking to StaSheep and cleans up the house in the process. I said she shouldn't bother, and she said I should be quiet. So I was. Sadly, I forgot to ask her how she got in, as there still seems to be a siege on. I'll ask her next Wednesday. I found my lost gumball under the sofa today. I was surprised it was still intact, then remembered it was super strong and, if used as a weapon, could wipe out whole armies of (say) neighbours attacking a secret fort in which two sheep and a man are being help prisoner because of their annoying sheep rap. I threw it in the rubbish.
I'm very bored. If you could please send in your ideas I would be greatful.
Yours, as always
Dr BanaNa

Day 32:The sheep's mystery

2006-10-10T16:00:00.000Z

Finally, FINALLY, we have rid ourselves of that moose, though it took most of Sheepsta's hair gel and 3/4 of a pisatchio nut in a lump of bacon fat, but we did manage tosteal its antlers before it bounded off into the night. I planned to sell them on Ebay, but stupid SheepSta thought they would make a nice smoothie.
StaSheep has becom an artist. The siege must have dun sumthin 2 his head, because he keeps making these stupid paintings and writing soppy poems. I can't really tell what the paintings are, but I do know that he keeps himself locked in his room. I try to feed him, but he says it will destroy his 'artistic flaire'. I thought that was where you plasted a painter out a cannon, but apparently not.
I have recently had many questions asking me what gender SheepSta was. Sometimes it says she, other times he. The answer is, faithful readers, I haven't the foggiest idea. Though StaSheep assures me they are not dating, SheepSta's gender is a mystery. Whenever I ask, it blushes and shoves a load of socks in her mouth.
Yours, as always
Dr BanaNa

Day 31: How to build a moose

2006-10-08T16:46:00.000Z

Slightly odd day today. StaSheep ordered his own "Build-a-moose" kit. The long and short of it is that you build a moose out of staples and chewing gum which can dance around the room on its antlers singing a dodgy version of the Lituanian national anthem in Africanas. I'm not sure WHY he bought it, but buy it he did and now we have some odd moose which looks more like a hairy cow leaping round the room singing the POLISH national anthem in SWEDISH. When we tried to complain, we were put on the answer machine that didn't have any English in it.
Many people who have read my blog have called on the BanaNaLine and asked; why re there so many typos? They claim to know sheep who make no typing errors and actually make you tea without bits of bogey in it. Alas, though I have met these sheep and begged them to live with me, they are different to my sheep. SheepSta has a crayon stuck in her ear and StaSheep thinks typing is immoral, so I just can't win.
Yours, as always
Dr BanaNa

Day 30: I'm back

2006-10-07T13:24:00.000Z

At last, the moment you have waited for. Dr BanaNa has, after a long period of silence, found his voice. You are probably asking yourself; why was he silent? Did he become a monk of silence, then find the stew was actually not all it's crakced up to be? Did he grow a huge mole on his left buttock and was so horrified lost his voice, only to discover it was actually a crum from SheepSta's enormous lemon and carrot cake? Did he swallow too much goat cheese milk, thus creating an excess of hydroformulae in his large intestine which caused a violent eruption of mascolan in the liver and lead to a blockage in the second naval cavity, leading to sudden shock and a temporary bout of amnesia? Alas, though all of these incidents have happened in the sorrow tale that is my life, they are not the reason.
The real reason is that, when reacing for a carton of goat cheese milk in my cupboard, I accidently knocked over a box of extra abosrbant dry nights for when SheepSta has lemons before he goes to bed. Unfortunatley, I then slipped on a toffee rapper which was on the floor. Pulling down a tub of glucose-without-sugar on the way by accident, I was smothered by a variety of household necesaties and, because my hands were bare, came into contact with the dry nights. This took huge amounts of water from my body, and i was stuck. For many days, I was trampled on by SheepSta, trying to get him to get StaSheep, but every time he forgot. Finally, when all hope was lost, I found a small peanut lodged in between my teeth. I plucked it out and, with all my strength, used the item to act as a leaver and flicked off the dry night.
And that's about it.
Yours, as always
Dr BanaNa

Day 17: Open war

2006-09-20T16:58:00.000Z

It has come to this. Open war. Well, 'open' if u mean throwing water balloons at the enemy. From behind a barracade. On the top of the wall. Out of their range. But it is still open war. We managed to get some of the old cement that was used for building the fort onto the roof and were planning to throw some of it onto their heads, but SheepSta made another dog out of it, and, once again, he didn't want to throw it off. Then it fell and the annoying animal cried. I had to get it ANOTHER ice cream. I feel I have seen this sort of thing before...
The neighbours managed to kidnap the remains and threatened to destroy him, when I pointed out he was already destoryed and SheepSta had made another dog out of pegs. So they dropped it and went on pillaging my roses. As my father always said "If you can't beat them, give up." But we are not over yet!
Yours, as always
Dr BanaNa

Day 16: a dog and a Slippery Slipper Slide

2006-09-19T16:44:00.000Z

Today, I saw a dog. But not any dog. A dog made...of beef jerky. SheepSta made it. Poor thing's ravanous with hunger. I said we should eat the dog, but the stupid animal claimed it was the only decent thing left on earth. Then its ear fell off. Then its nose. Then its entire body crumbled into a meaty mush of...meat. I quickly sbaffled some of the meat. but StaSheep made me put it back. We had a funeral and all. What a waste of meat.
A big event today. The 131st Slippery Slipper Slide took place in the fort. This is where we see who has the slipperiest slipper by sliding down the stairs in our slippers. This usually ends with everyone crashing into each other in a heap and SheepSta starts crying and we have to go to the zoo to cheer him up and he gets stuck in the tiger cage and StaSheep and I get our legs bitten to rescue him then catapulted into the kangaroo cage and beaten nearly to death and having the keepers MOAN at us for annoying the animals. We still do it anyhow. Thankfully, we were trapped inside and couldn't go, but I still had to buy the sheep an ice cream. As usual
Yours, as always
Dr BanaNa

Day 15: A dead kipper

2006-09-18T16:13:00.000Z

A dead kipper. That is, indeed correct. No typo. No StaSheep mucking about making me look folish. But a dead kipper. Today, on my pillow I found a dead kipper. Not any dead kipper, but a wet, slimy and rather fatty kipper. I think it was dead. It is obviously a sign from my arch enemy PENGUINA! That is right, the dreaded Penguina, she who followed me from the frozen lands of Brighton, chasing me through the dreaded peaks of Longfield, battling me on the ancient land of Leeds, and now she has returned. Sadly, i must end my message here, as I feel a presence in the room....
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
yours, as always
Dr BanaNa

Day 14: Revenge of the Sheep

2006-09-17T13:29:00.000Z

I should NEVER have bought that Star Wars DVD for the sheep last August.Only Now have they watched it, and I wish that it was never made. They have created their own Jedi order and have renamed my fort to Tatooine. StaSheep is now Mace Sheepdoo, whilst StaSheep is Darth Wool. They often fight with coloured sticks on the battlements, nearly falling off into my pond and killing Herbert the squinting duck.
I was wondering what sort of bacon is best served with coffee flavored plates when SheepSta ran in crying that Macehawafallodeunbatlaimenintomrapondu. I handed over the pills, so the sheep could talk properly. The result was that Mace had fallen of the battlements in to the pond. After a hasty meal of sausage, egg, bacon, fries, toast, hash browns, cookies, coffee flavored plates, coffee flavored cultlery, coffee flavored mugs, coffee flavored coffee and tea, with a side of onion rings, garlic bread, bacon flavored coffee and coffee flavored bacon, we tied out shirts together and fished StaSheep out. They stopped playin Star Wars after that.
Yours, as always
Dr BanaNa

Day 13: stuck record and cheese

2006-09-15T17:10:00.000Z

Cheese? you cry. Why cheese? We have heard of your goat cheese milk escapades, why MORE cheese? Because, dear reader, I have no control over my destiny. If cheese is what shows, then cheese is what shows. Make no mistake, I will never lie to you! Well, maybe not. Perhaps. There is a slim chance...well, when I say slim....
My favorite record. THE record. Super Puffy and the Happy Pixie troop. I loved those little squeeky little voices and his big, poofy voice. But it is now stuck. NOT on a record palyer. But, even worse, up SheepSta's nose. The stupid sheep was trying to play it on its nose. ON ITS NOSE! HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK? Stupid, useless animal. Oh, don't cry StaSheep. SheepSta will be ok. Darn, we cannot even to the Hospital! And where is my cheese? SheepSta, StaSheep, no! O dear. Sorry, all, I will have you stop typing, They are tying to grease it out. OH NO!
yours, as always
Dr BanaNa

Day 12: A pointless item

2006-09-14T16:26:00.000Z

At last, contact! Our pleas have not gone unnoticed! We have finally recieved our Hypomegasuctionpowerednucleartolietbrandcushion. Whilst trapped in here, we discovered an old, dusty volume of the Bargos catalog, the huge shop for sheep. In a desperate wish for contact, we ordered the coolest yet cheapest thing there;
the Hypomegasuctionpowerednucleartolietbrandcushion. It washes you, waxes your car and makes dinner out of paper in the shape of a letter A. This, too, can be all yours for the low, low price of £49.99! Buy now!
Or so said the advert. What it actually does is wash paper in the shape of a letter A, waxes my backside and makes dinner out of my car. Badly. Do NOT buy this! I think it's flirting with SheepSta. Get away from that sheep, you dirty machine! OW! U DARE TO...! There, problem sorted.
Yours, as always
Dr BanaNa

Day 11: A finding of a....

2006-09-13T17:33:00.000Z

Sweet fortune! We have found a sacred artifact that will bring us great fortune! Oh, yes, sorry StaSheep. He reminds me that we have no way to sell the great peice as we are stuck in the fort with our neighbouurs approaching with big bamboo sticks and a giant cup in the shape of a balloon man. Or is it a balloon man in the shape of a cup? Or maybe a balloon in the shape of a man cup? I do not know what it is, but it is rather imposing.
But back to our exciting tale of adventure and action. We managed to find a secret alcove in the wall which revealed, not food, but a map. A map that guides the owner to a secret passage. We followed the directions, which led us to.... my bath. Inside the drains was a secret tunnel, lost to man, now found by sheep. And a man. After tearing apart the bath, with SheepSta still in it, we discovered the passage and journied down into the depths. I wil not bore you with the details, but we did find a big rolling rock and some cannibals. However, we found it. A peice that has had books writen about it, from the tales of Arthur to the modern novel by Dan Brown. Yes my friends, we had found....
The Lemon
Yours, as always
Dr BanaNa

Day 10: what happened there?

2006-09-12T16:08:00.000Z

I am very sorry to announce that my stupid Dell computer accidently published the entry I wrote yesterday twice, then burst into purple flames. I planned to lay siege to their main headquarters, but StaSheep politley reminded me that a) I already tried that and they just strapped me to a chair and poured custard over my face before shoving a bucket on my head and throwing me into the Crocodile Moat, still strapped to the chair. A miracle that, at that very moment SheepSta and StaSheep were fishing bodies out of the moat at that time, and freed me. We then formed the Dr B and da hIp hoP Sheep Orchestra And b), he continued, I was stuck in the fort with no means of escape. So I am stuck sucking on my dice, watching as the angry neighbours destroy my petunias and pee on my lettuce patch (well, actually, that was the dog, but anyway). Is this the end?????
Yours, as always
Dr BanaNa

Day 9:really,how many flowers DO grow in an English country garden?

2006-09-11T16:50:00.001Z

Day 9. and food supplies are low. As always. I mean, when WERN'T they low? urm.. o yes, nine days ago. The neighbours have crushed my lovley pansies and moved onto the sunflower garden, which is making SheepSta cry. He named each flower. How sad.
Whilst I am reminising about my gardening days, I feel a strange question enter my head. How many flowers ARE there in an English country garden? I would guess ten, or maybe twelve. Send me your answers, as I really have no idea. I must ask SheepSta, he will know. The sheep still believe in their great sheep-lemon called Squeesyfleecyonebun, and are trying to break into my secret stash of Jammy Dodgers. However, I have heavily booby-trapped it, so I fear not. Hehehe, oh pepper spray, where would I be without you? They are in for a nasty surprise...
Oh dear, the neighbours are nearing the gates with the battering ram. If only I had a weapon. Hmm.
Yours,as always
Dr BanaNa

Day 9:really,how many flowers DO grow in an English country garden?

2006-09-11T16:50:00.000Z

Day 8:a sacrifice of WHAT?

2006-09-10T16:03:00.000Z

Look, here's the deal. My sheep crew have officially gone mad. They wish to sacrifice my remaining meatballs with a chopstick superglued to a rubber duck. When I asked why, they said that they believed a great sheep(mixed with a lemon, so OBVIOUSLY not mortal) would take the sacrifice and provide us with more food. I tried to argue with them, they cellotaped me to a shower head that was nailed to the floor and painted themselves purple and danced around the meatballs before promptly stabbing them. After having a bath to get rid of the stickiness, i wondered WHY they had painted themselves purple. It makes no sense.
What is more worrying is the fact that they are treating the Lord of the Fleece figurines as prophets. They even think Baaragorn is a martyr! I am beggining to fear that they plan an attack on the neighbours. How do I know? They were talking to Frodo Faggins about it. Please send in your advice! I'm scared.
Yours, as always
Dr BanNa

Day 7: a depersate plea

2006-09-09T10:24:00.000Z

Please, I am begging you, PLEASE HELP! Inside our fort, supplies are running low. I know this because before this siege we had three cellers full of Rino-toffee, StaSheep's favorite, if not disgusting, sweets. Now we have none. Supplies are so low that we are being forced to cook our own shoes. And trust me, eating leather loses all its novelty after three helpings of boiled shoe with lace garnish. Not to mention a pudding of trouser sponge with sole syrup. Not pleasant.
Please, if ANYONE has food, please send it to My Secret Fort, New Jersey, U.S.A. Or I will die. Well, I will be forced to eat my rapping crew. SheepSta is still crying about his broken Lord of the Fleece figures. I said if we survive, I'd buy him a new one, but he said we wouldn't survie. Stupid, sadistic sheep.
Yours, as ever
Dr BanaNa (twice as thin)

Day 6: the bertayal

2006-09-08T19:09:00.000Z

Tonight, I sit here to complain about the betrayal by Sacred Horn. On their website (www.getalifeyousadsheep.com) I noticed that they only work once every TEN YEARS.Who works once every ten years? You would never make any money. So I will have to wait another twenty or thirty years for them to arrive!
As I sit here, typing my own blog for once, I watch StaSheep and SheepSta play with their Lord of the Fleece figurines. I wondger if... oops, a typo. Now where's that backspace StaSheep was telling me about? Urm.. StaSheep! Come here! No, you can ascend Mount Fate or destiny, esp. adverse fate; unavoidable ill fortune: In exile and poverty, he met his doom, and come here and help me! No, don't pull Goatdulf's head like that! SheepSta, no! Get of Frodo Faggins, you'll break him! Now look what you two have done! Baaragorn's arm's come off! Oh SheepSta, dont cry! No,please, oh, urm, sorry readers, I have to go. SheepSta's broke his Isendumass tower
Yours, as always
Dr BanaNa

Day 5: A uniting of the sheep

2006-09-07T16:52:00.000Z

I hope you are glad to know that I recovered from my, err...'little lapse', and I need no reminding of what Freddy is, thank you. Sadly, the siege continues, so I am forced to type this in my secret hole under the fort walls. My neighbours have gathered a large array of sharp sticks and are poking my lovley tulips. DARN THOSE NEIGHBOURS!
The worst has come. SheepSta has been forced to call for aid as he has seen the neighbours constructing a battering ram. Using the Sacred Horn (i.e. call 01332 556241) he has summoned a vast army of sheep ninjas, a.k.a, the Lambmuttons. They should arrive within two to three working days, so I will have to wait a while. StaSheep and SheepSta are looking dangerously close to creating their own fellowship. Please send me your advice!
Yours, as ever
Dr BanaNa

Day 4: the Fellowship of the Sheep

2006-09-06T16:19:00.000Z

Well,here I am again,stuck in my fort in New Jersey. The landlord has been sending threatening letters about my eviction. TO HECK WITH THAT FEIND! SheepSta has watched Lord of the Fleece; Felowship of the Sheep twenty times already and I think I'm going insane. StaSheep looks close to joining him too....I may have to kill them.... oops, I shouldn't have said that with StaSheep typing. Sorry, StaSheep. You know, you didn't need to type that . Or that. OK, very funny, now quit it. I said stop. Stop it now. STASHEEP! STOP!NO!STOP!NO..NO.....NO... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!.......
StaSheep here. Sorry, Dr B has had a mental breakdown. I'll try to revive him, he's sitting, crying about 'Poor Freddy'. Any ideas to what Poor Freddy is?
Yours, as always
StaSheep

Day 3: Does anyone have a pitchfork?

2006-09-05T15:56:00.000Z

It's day three in the Dr BanaNa fort. The inmates are feeling the heat now... I wonder if any of you noticed the typo in my last postage. I, or rather, the sheep typing this, accidently madea stupid mistake,even though i made it clear what day it was. Dr BanaNa smells really bad. He also has no brain. Oops, he's talking, I better start typing properly again.
...with his teeth. But the most important thing is I need a pitchfork. As I said before, it is vital I need one. Please help!
yours, as ever
Dr BanaNa
(p.s, he smells like my dung)

Day 3:the siege begins

2006-09-04T11:42:00.000Z

The siege has begun. As I sit here,drinking my goat cheese milk, I pause, asking myself; what the fudge is goat cheese milk? Is it mashed goat cheese? Is it milk that has been taken from a goat. Or is it milk made from cheese shaped like a goat?
But right now, I have more pressing matters at the moment. As I type, a small group of my neighbours are holding my secret fort in New Jersey at siege. They have big sticks, and are trying to make me stop my sheep rapping. Never, I say! SheepSta, StaSheep and I will never stoop! Unless one of us is ill. Or dead. Or suddenly deaf or dumb or both. Or asleep. Or drunk. Or has a hangover.
Send in your comments!
As always,
Dr BanaNa

Day 1:An idle threat

2006-09-03T18:51:00.000Z

So it has come to this. My neighbours are standing outside my fort, claiming that if i do not stop my sheep rap, they will call the police. However, I am not afraid. Although the police already want me for burglary. And breaking and entering. And armed robbery. And ignoring a ticket. Twice. But I am not afraid! Though SheepSta is lookin ill, whilst StaSheep is not singing. Please send in your comments!
Dr BanaNa

A new day, a new blog, a new siege

2006-09-02T13:06:00.000Z

Well, here i am, in my little secret fort in New Jersey fending off another attack from my neighbours because they think my special brand of sheep rap music is very,VERY annoying. Which it is, but anywho, that's not the point. The point is that i now have a real blog instead of that crappy msn space with its annoying little colour schemes that were designed to hypnotise the reader into buying various crappy items off Ebay. Now THIS...this is a real man's blog.
Please post your comments!
Dr BanaNa