Day 34: The world's longest fart

I hate my sheep. Really, I have never met anything more vulgar, gross and absoultley vile animals as they. For shere amusement they have been (this is horrid, trust me) trying to break the world's longest fart record, set by Bernard Clemmens in London at a length of 2 minutes and 49 seconds. I hate sheep. You may wonder why I have talked on such a revolting subject. The answer is, faithful reader, I am seriously considering firing my sheepy crew. So far the fort is smelling strongly of baked beans, brussel sprouts and all sorts of other fart creations which are forcing me to wear a gas mask made of straws and paper plates. The fact of the matter is, I have no need for them. I COULD sacrifice them to the angry mob below, or catapult them to Antartica. But the best plan would be to sell them to a traveling Mexican circus and the siege would be over.
On the other hand I would be losing two of my best friends, who have journeyed with me through war abd peace, thick and thin,tears and joy, pregnancies and phone calls about salad but, more importantly, two of the greatest friends a guy could have for a few pennies.
I'll call Pedro tomorow
Yours, as always
Dr BanaNa