Day 12: A pointless item

At last, contact! Our pleas have not gone unnoticed! We have finally recieved our Hypomegasuctionpowerednucleartolietbrandcushion. Whilst trapped in here, we discovered an old, dusty volume of the Bargos catalog, the huge shop for sheep. In a desperate wish for contact, we ordered the coolest yet cheapest thing there;
the Hypomegasuctionpowerednucleartolietbrandcushion. It washes you, waxes your car and makes dinner out of paper in the shape of a letter A. This, too, can be all yours for the low, low price of £49.99! Buy now!
Or so said the advert. What it actually does is wash paper in the shape of a letter A, waxes my backside and makes dinner out of my car. Badly. Do NOT buy this! I think it's flirting with SheepSta. Get away from that sheep, you dirty machine! OW! U DARE TO...! There, problem sorted.
Yours, as always
Dr BanaNa